


A Scout's Guide to Dog Park Survival

by wyomingnot



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, merit badges, scouting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 06:34:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyomingnot/pseuds/wyomingnot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four ways Night Vale Scouts helped Dana in the dog park and one way it didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Scout's Guide to Dog Park Survival

**Author's Note:**

  * For [randomling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomling/gifts).



 

** Acceptance **

`Congratulations, Dana! You have been selected to join the Night Vale Scouts. Indoctrination will be held this Saturday morning at City Hall. Please wear appropriate attire – uniforms are available at the Scout Shop, located next door to Dark Owl Records on Earl Road  – and bring a properly anointed knife. Antiseptic and bandages will be provided. Attendance is mandatory. Non-attending selectees will be subject to re-education.`

  


> _From the Night Vale Scout Handbook – Acceptance is most likely the first Merit Badge you will earn. Indoctrination into the Scouts without first having to undergo re-education plus three months of weekly Scout Meeting attendance is all that is required. If you had to undergo re-education first, don’t worry! You can still earn the Acceptance badge after six months of Scout Meetings in addition to an essay on the Serenity Prayer._

  


Dana supposed she would be shocked or panicked if she hadn’t grown up in Night Vale. It was one way she could sort the others trapped in the Dog Park with her. Those just wandering around checking things out would be fine; those panicking and/or running around in circles might as well still be wearing their city-issued “I’m new here! Welcome me to Night Vale!” shirts that all new residents were encouraged to wear during their first weeks in town.1 

Unfortunately, long-time residents avoided the Dog Park (What dog park? What are you talking about?), so most of the people trapped were of the panicking sort.

Dana scanned the area and noticed some benches.  She walked over, sat down, and took a deep breath.

Well. That happened.

 

1 The shirt program was started by a coalition of Scouts and Secret Police members who were concerned about the rising population of the abandoned mine shaft outside of town.2

2 For obviously different reasons.

 

** Rituals **

__

> _While a person can spend a lifetime learning and practicing rituals and still never learn them all, a good Scout is familiar with the basics. Completion of the Rituals badge is a prerequisite for the Rituals Design badge needed to ascend to Blood Pact Scout._

Life is never boring if you know the right rituals, even if you’re trapped in a forbidden dog park.  Some of the newbies were reticent at first, but eventually they all took part. Dana wasn’t sure how much of their reluctance to join in was because of her age, gender, or general wariness about stone circles.

“You’re really good with those,” The Man in the Tan Jacket commented one day after a successful pizza summoning ritual.

“With what?” Dana asked, settling  back against the tree trunk to watch the trained flies swarm in formation.

“The Rituals.”  He seemed to be conducting the flies like an orchestra. In the corner of her ear, Dana heard  The Blue Danube.

She shrugged. “I’ve been doing them for years. Earned my badge when I was 11.”

“Not just that. Guiding the others, getting them involved.” He paused as he directed the flies through one last flourish and back into the deerskin briefcase. “You would make a good teacher. Or are you set on going into radio?”

Dana laughed lightly and rolled her eyes. “I haven’t really thought about what I want to do. That’s why I’m at community college taking general ed and not at University.”

 

** Thaumaturgy **

__

> _Remember: you should always conduct your Thaumaturgy practice with a qualified adult present, preferably in a concrete bunker or a large open space, such as the vacant lot out back of the Ralph’s._

Night-time fires were a must for the Dog Park refugees. Nobody was planning on being out late when they got trapped, so nobody was dressed for night-time temperature drop. The park offered no useful shelter from the elements at night. Only one person was a smoker, and nobody else carried a lighter.

After the lighter ran out of fluid, some of the people began to worry (they had thankfully moved past easy panic in the weeks since becoming trapped).

“It’s okay. I’m a Scout. I can make a fire without a lighter,” Dana reassured them. The others gathered around to watch. Taking a couple steps back from the fire pit, Dana warned, “You might want to step back, too. I haven’t done this in a while.”

“Shouldn’t you be closer?” “Don’t you need a flint rock or a couple of sticks to rub together?”

Dana waved her hands and shook her head. “Trust me. Okay?” She looked around. “And, you know…. step back.”

Once everyone was a reasonable distance away, Dana took a deep breath, closed her eyes, raised her hands, silently prayed that she remembered how to do this right3.

 

3Not that she was given to self-doubt, not when it came to Scouting, but it really had been a long time. Thaumaturgy is serious business, and a good Scout knows it’s not for play. And really, there’s not much use for it in high school. Or community college, for that matter.

 

 

** Marksmanship **

__

> _So you want to earn your marksmanship badge? First you need to choose your weapon. The City Council-sanctioned options are as follows: crossbow, blow dart, broadsword, slingshot, and Taser. See also, Debate._

Dana didn’t stop to think twice. Her first thought was _shoot, now!_ And she did. It had appeared suddenly, out of thin air, in front of the mid-afternoon sing-along.  The _a cappella_ rendition of Lady Gaga ended in a scream from Marge Dahlquist  4.

The Hooded Figure collapsed in a flutter of robes and vanished.

 

4  age 43, divorced scientist from Tahlequah, Oklahoma, who worked in Carlos’ lab and had only come to Night Vale after a mysterious summons arrived via courier. She’d been in town less than a week before the Dog Park Incident. After she escapes, she quietly returns to her home, repacks her belongings and disappears.

 

 

** Exploring **

__

> _A good Scout has a keen sense of direction, or at least always carries a compass. In addition, the good Scout should also blaze a trail so that others who follow and don’t have a keen sense of direction, or at least a compass, can also find their way. Unless, of course, the purpose of heading into those dark, forbidding woods is to make your enemies disappear._

Despite what she had told Cecil, some days were indeed boring. There’s not much to explore in a park. For all that the Dog Park was Forbidden, it looked pretty much like any other park, though with fewer playground implements and more open space for dogs to run. The bloodstone circle was larger than average but not actually particularly noteworthy.

However, the park did seem to stretch on farther than seemed possible within the bounds of the outside walls. One day Dana decided she’d had enough Sumerian Tai Chi practice and walked off to check out the walls while nobody was looking.

She started near the monolith and started walking, periodically making trail marks along the wall. Nothing permanent, but nothing that would go away on its own, even here.  

After two weeks, she gave up.  Once she turned around, it only took fifteen minutes to get back to the first mark she made. The group was still doing Tai Chi.

(She finds the unsupported door when she goes in the other direction from the monolith.)

 

** Broadcasting and Mass Media **

__

> _Formerly called Mass Communication, the name was changed because any idiot with a computer can communicate with the masses. Control of nation’s radio, television, and newspaper outlets is vital to any successful regime._

Dana told The Man in the Tan Jacket about her exploration. She was pretty sure his response was a raised eyebrow, but she couldn’t remember.

It led to his asking about the badges she’d earned, and if she was working on any before the Incident.

“I’m working on my Broadcasting badge now. It was community radio or public television. I spend all day on campus as it is. I need to get away sometimes.” She looked around, lowered her voice and winked. “And who could resist a chance to work with Cecil?”

“Well…”

“Well, okay. probably Steve Carlsberg.” Dana snorted.

“Probably,” he agreed.

“I’ve been listening to Cecil’s show pretty much forever. It’s … I don’t know…” She pauses and shrugs. “It’s *neat* to be a part of it. Even though I don’t think I want to actually go into broadcasting.”

“Neat, even though you ended up trapped in a forbidden dog park as a direct result?”

Dana nodded. “Absolutely.” She stood up and brushed the grass off her clothes. “It’s time for Dinner Ritual. You coming?”

“What are we having?”

“Chinese if I can get an extra hand in the chant.” Dana gave him a pointed look and held out her hand.

The Man in the Tan Jacket took it and stood up. “I think I can help with that.”

“Excellent. If this works out, I think I’ll give that mystery door a try tomorrow.”


End file.
